3 am . The covers thrown haphazardly to the side.
A sweat trickles from the crevices of my face.
A train whistle is heard from afar
My brain brewing with curiosity
A thought
Who is to blame?
Alone, in the darkness, condemnation steps in
Like a snake, it hisses its deception
“Surely, not you.”
Giving in, I let its answer lay my head against the pillow
Except…
Sleep never comes.
3:13 am. Upright in bed
Uneasiness has joined the ranks.
There is a tension growing inside
A monster trying to escape.
A whisper
“ Give in, you can’t win.”
The ropes of desperation tighten around my body
Breathing becomes frantic.
A thought
Where did this come from?
Eyes searching
Heart pounding
Palms shaking
3:25 am. Pacing
Something is clawing from inside
A darkness trying to overtake my senses
Shadows envelope the walls
The whispers grow louder
“Failure…Prisoner…Coward…Fool…”
A thought
Sinner
I can’t win…
3:34 am. On my knees
Questions rage through me
What about my kindness?
What about my generosity?
What about my good deeds?
What about my morals?
What about me?
…
Silence.
…
A thought
What do these count for?
A response
“Nothing.”
Like a stab to the heart, I lie breathless
Tears burst forth
A yearning grows
A plead forms
Hands press together
A response
“Come to me, and I will give you rest.”
A plead
“Forgive me. Save me.”
…
A thought
The darkness fled.
The raging ceased.
…
A realization
Peace that defies understanding
“It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have
your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in
me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by
faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
-Galatians 2:20-21 (The Message)
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